The World Health Organization, an arm of the global body of international fatcats and busybodies who sit in New York City high rises and issue empty proclamations known as the United Nations, issued new findings regarding the health risks of America’s favorite food product:
The World Health Organisation (WHO) has said that processed meats, such as sausages and bacon, cause cancer.
The International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC), part of the WHO, has released a report that reclassifies processed meats into “Group 1”, “carcinogenic to humans”. That means that there is “sufficient evidence in humans” that eating large quantities raises the risk of bowel cancer. Red meat has been classified as “probably” carcinogenic. The IARC based its report on more than 800 studies across various countries.
Group 1 also includes other known cancer-causing substances, such as tobacco and asbestos. However, the reclassification does not mean that eating red meat is as bad for you as smoking.
The classification of bacon in a category alongside cigarettes means that it is slightly less dangerous than your average United Nations Peacekeeper. This absurd finding is, simply put, an attack on American values. It’s also fairly meaningless. Anyone who’s overdosed on a plate of bacon knows that feeling you get in the immediate aftermath- let’s call it “halfway to a heart attack”- is anything but “healthy.” But life is about tradeoffs, and personal responsibility. Besides,there are a million ways to get cancer that don’t involve eating delicious bacon. Many of the healthiest vegetables we consume when we’re shamed into feeling badly about our bacon related girth are chock full of carcinogens. Air is a carcinogen, and so on and so forth. Besides, as the completely non-partisan website Baconeering notes “Vegans lead miserable, bacon-less lives.”
Americans concerned about this dangerously well publicized report having an impact on American health policy can do two things. They can go to the store and buy up all the bacon, in anticipation of some busy body do gooder like Bernie Sanders declaring this a national crisis, or, they can write their elected representatives and demand that the United States immediately withdraw from the misery science slinging world governance organization known as the United Nations. I’ll be doing both!
AAN Staff
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