Libs Panic: Trump Threatens Next Solar Eclipse

  • 08/24/2017
  • Source: AAN
Distraught liberals have sounded the alarm that President Trump's budget cuts threaten to ruin the next solar eclipse.
 
Monday's awe-inspiring spectacle transfixed millions of Americans, but progressives used the celestial event to bash the president.    
 
They worry that if more money does not go to developing satellite technology, obsessive astrophysicists could not access high-resolution images to plan the perfect eclipse viewing party.
 
The former Chief Scientist of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, Dr. Rick Spinrad has already experienced this "catastrophe." Hours before Monday's eclipse, he frantically tried to find the best vantage point near his home. Smoke from a wildfire obscured his view. Spinrad went online to access a "nowcast," a satellite image displaying current weather conditions, but the images appeared fuzzy. Whining to the press, Spinrad said, "I couldn't get the resolution I wanted to determine where the best spot was."
 
According to Spinrad, eclipse chasers should get the most out of the next eclipse if the government updates earth-monitoring satellites.
 
As Spinrad whined about smoke from the nearby wildfire, emergency responders rushed to evacuate 600 residents in the path of the rapidly growing conflagration.   
 
Of course, Spinrad did not explain how the government would spend money it does not have on appeasing nerds.
 Source: AAN
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